The Thirteen Tales

Just got off the phone with Patrick.

He was busy, so I let him go.

Is it me, or has he been acting "wierd" since the kiss.

Maybe it's just me.

And I don't know what is up with me. I slept ALL day yesterday (sunday), the entire day. Had wierd dreams of salavaging houses, of getting caught, of everything. I was prob awake 4 hours in a 24 hour period.

Today was much the same, although I got the grass mowed, folded laundry, and worked on some of my "projects". Yet still I slept like a dog.. all day. I don't know what's going on. Maybe a Karla apt is in order.

The Oak pedastals will be great in the dinning room, specially once I add the shelving and molding. Boy it's alot of work...taking the nails out, and cleaning. I don't know if I will need to strip them at all, but o well.

My paypal.com account is fucked.
My yahoo.com mail account won't work at work.

And here I sit. La ti da.

auryn24 I'll be down soon.

I'm doing quite well. I am motivated lately, and am managing to get ready to partake in HOMO HOP 2004 which will include meeting [Unknown site tag] and [Unknown site tag]. Hopefully and I am sure it will be, an adventure as most thigns are.

The big question is whether or not, I will get naked at Mardi Gra. I don't even think this is a question. LOL.

Last week work was quite hellish. Besides being repremanded for something that I did wrong (I admit it now-specially after my shrink apt), Tuesday found me batteling the same old crap-and wed found me finding a major med error regarding an insulin drip. It's not my fucking fault if a Dr. or PE doesn't look at a chard, and doesn't know his/her own pts.

Wednesday night found me in charge once again, and I ran my ass off. I am proud that I staffed well. I didn't over staff or under staff, for both the night and the day shift, we were fucking right on... I don't care about the cencus or acuity, or such nonesense, we were right on with the amt of nurses we needed, and i made that decision, and it was the right one. Amen to that.

Last weekend I met up with Kim. Kim (male) has been a ghost in every sense of the word. I first met Kim in college. I slept with him the night his dad died. I met him through some friends. He had stopped by when I was in the processing of moving out of la crosse, and wanted to sleep with me. I declined. I ran into him again off and on through the years. he was always moving around here and there-and it was very hard to keep track of him. I wasn't keeping track of him, but every once in awhile, his ghost would come back to haunt me. I ran into him most recently in la crosse. He made a few comments about me, how he feels I am the one, how he could see himself waking up next to me in 10 years... how he always liked me, blah blah blah...

Well he was flying in from Maine (where he had a job interview) into la crosse to rehearse for a piece he is putting on (did I mention he is a dancer?), and we decided to meet up. We went to a dinner party held by the chair of the UWL theater dept, and 2 other factualy members. I had my reservations b/c my teacher from last semester would be there. I had the most excellent time--it was so very unconventional, and so honest, and I overall had a great time. I felt that I got to know KIM better.. afterwards we bar hopped for a few, and then hit back to the hotel. HE really wanted sex, and I didn't give it to him for 2 reasons: 1) the zoloft increase has left me with no libido, and no sexual drive (THIS THIS IS A GOOD THING), and 2) I had a headache and 3) I didn't want to. He asked me as we laid in bed naked if I was attracted to him. I am, not physcially, but by his personallity, his humor, his carriage and demenor, his seekeing out of simpler things-thrift store finds, dumpy dinners with character. What bothers me about him is that he isn't stable. In the last 5 years he has been in AZ, WI, IA, IL, NYC, OHIO, and in the last week had interviews in Maine, and Tennessee. For a guy in his 40's, he just isn't stable, and this whole sex thing bothers me. I am just not interested. He has been on my tail, this week, and I think a friendship is just what I need.

I am looking to relocate, but a fear is that the Mayo hook has already taken hold. i just don't know if anyone else out there will be able to match my salary... not that's its anyones business, and this is MY journal, but I cleared 55,000 before taxes last year alone. Money isn't everything, but right now, working 3 nights a week... that's pretty damn good. It's something to concider.... I just don't know.. I don't know if I am willing to make that big of a sacrifice right now in my life. i told him that i am in a cross roads. I have seen paths that I have taken before, and I see new ones before me, but which one does one take... and which is the best CHOICE. I don't have a clear answer to that, but moving to maine, or ohio isn't a path I want to go down. I don't want to relocate because I "met" someone, or fell in love with someone. THe only one I have truely loved, has been john, and I have to say Kara.

I burned a picture of Kara and i the other night. While cleaning, I have foudn more memories of her. I am going to burn them when I go home in march.. I'll prob. do it at my grandparents farm. It's out in the middle of nowwhere, I'll be alone, and it will be good.... it's almost like what one does when your stood up at the alter, you burn everything to get ready of the memory... destruction and resolution.

Last night I went over to Bill's house last night. WE smoked up and did some Nitrous oxide. It was most wonderful. I had the BEST time... and it was great to leave reality for awhile.


New Orleans, here i come.