The Thirteen Tales

Dreams. Come. In Waves. Months without any, and then WHAM BAM-more brain food than I know what to do with. In which case, this type of food is unable to be throw in tupperware and frozen to devour later.

The 1970's glam wedding of Tom and Linda held behind my grandparents red house in Bloomington Township-the booming meca, one of the last civilizations not to contain a wal-mart. Since I wasn't born till 1976, and this is mid 1970's goodness, what I was doing at the wedding-not sure. It was a basic family affair in the yard. Strange as they were filming the movie GREASE with John Travolta in the same town, and the wedding was part of the movie. Flash forward a few years and discussing this with my parents (Still dreaming), I discover that this is still true-that Tom and Linda's wedding is part of the movie.

Second dream. Same night. Same place.

John popped up. Amidst a triad of Gary and David (from Ft. Lauderdale). Somehow I was dating all three at one time. The art group from the cities and I went to Michaels Craft store with the gang looking for stuff to make flowers. John was there, and we talked about how we were right for each other-SOUL mates. We told each other we knew we would be back together someday, and here we were-together. On How much he COMPLETES ME. There was a car in the dream, and we were near smith Park.

Then. Then I woke up.

I missed my shrink apointment yesterday. DAMN. Pissed me off, but by the time I woke up, it was way pass due... it was 1700. I got floated the night before to Methodist, and it was a sucky float.. and a really boring 1-1. A 1-1 that didnt' need to be a 1-1, but at any rate... got home and crashed. And that was the end of that.


Of course, I am now wide awake, pretty much for my "day". SInce my days and nights are backwards, and it just as well. Having thoughts about kara. I am going to take the matters in my own hands. If she wanted to "truely love to talk to me" she would of done it alot sonner and not waited for me to make any move, and/or play these games with contacting Patrick Butler. Come on, like I wasn't going to find out. What type of person does she think she is....

I don't regret befriender her, the same way I don't regret getting involved with John. Each of them have taught me something about myself, and that has been with me throughout my life. That is something you just cant' take away. People come in your life for a reason... there was a reason why the both of them came in, and a reason why they left. The reason why they left isn't as important as before.... it's just time to move on.. to turn the page, and I feel very good about this.

Trees and Magma said that I had "alot on my plate" and I responded that I always get a second helping. Today/Tonight/Right now.. does that ever hold true.

I got home from work, and fell fast alsleep. Woke up in time to meet with Karla. IT has been since Feb since we had chatted, and since alot had happened, well it was over due. We focused on the alps trip, and the surrealness of it. We briefely talked about Judd, my sisters wedding, my pageant, strength, and how after about 2 years, i feel better and am proud to say that I am over the Kara thing. It's always hard, because i usually meet up with her after working a night shift, and am so dang tired, that it like a foggy rememberence of the conversation. In which we learn--lifes lessons...

Got home and took a nap. John has been a royal prick (do I dare say that) as of late. I have barely heard from him for the past 2 weeks, and it has been short e-mails regardless. Plus, we both fucked up our "date" on monday night. So I inquired if something was up. He responded that I must feel there is, otherwize I wouldnt' say that. Almost reversing the shoe on the other foot. Which kind of pissed me off. I don't know, btu something is rank in the state of denmark.

Since John felt his Hair appointment was more important than me, I decided fuck it. Last night Dad menioned that we could meet up with Rosemary, and go gambling. I liked this idea. I purposely shut off my cell phone, and we went, washed my car, had lunch with mom, and then went to Rosemary's. Picked her up, and headed to the boat. Had a really good day at the boat, and felt that if I bonded with dad, somewhat. Got home and met up with mom. Helped her do dinner, and then went to the grocery store. THen I came home and went through 3 boxes of pictures of grandma' and Grandpa's. It was just really fun and unique to look through these old photos and just see how things and times have changed. I could of done it for EVER and ever. Grandma had kept alot of funeral cards/or pamphlets, for every furneral they went to. I took some, to help with Genealogy. It should hopefully prove to be usefull.

John and I met a few months prior to me moving to Rochester, MN. As I write this, I'm recalling all of the things we did. Acutally it was shortly before I graduated from Clarke. He went with me to Edna's daughters gradutation party, he took me to boards, we hung out--alot. He took me to Iowa city to run in a pageant there.... After moving up here, we broke up. It was more my decision than his, but it happened, and we remained friends. Then we decided to date again, and that worked out awhile, and then we mutually decided to remain friends. Of course things are never that simple. John has many body piercings and tatoo's. There was rumor out there that he was HIV + and when I called him on it, it made a huge wave of hate, and anger and we stoped talking to each other. After a few months, conversation resumed, and this fall we decided to try it a third time. It's more of a friendship, and yet, I know that it is a relationship, although it's hard for me to see that. It's just hard. but the fact remains all of his idiosyncycies and manors, and beleifs, I absolutely love. I do.

John is in a pissy mood. Not sure what is going on with him. It seems that he is a major rut, whree nothing is going right.. wish there was something I could do, to fix all that.

worked o.t. tonight and worked on my europe trip. I don't know if I could do another night here at the hospital.. I am drained. Drained. Drained.

Had a Karla apoitment. She said I shouldnt put the blame of kara on me, and that my theory doesn't hold much water.

raining.

Didn't acomplish a damn thing this weekend. Well my floors are scrubbed, the dishes done. SO hopefully, if I stay awake, I can accomplish some major things: bills, and find out what my week will be like.

Friday I slept. Saterday I met up with John in Parrie du chein, and then got home late, and slept. Woke up today at 1400. Work has been calling constantly for me to work. I just can't. Not untill I am back on my feet and ready to go. Although I told myself, that from today on out, I NEED to work. I need to pay off some bills and if I am even remotely thinking of going somewhere in march, especailly abroad, I will need as much cash as I can get.

Had some bizzare dreams last night. 3-4 of them. In no particular order:

1)Was at an airport. I was going to some island off the coast of florida to meet up with a friend. It's about 1700, and I find out that my plane got changed ,adn I don't leave till tomarrow. I ran around the airport. "Treesandmagma" was there, and I remember talking to her. There were glass doors, and maybe brown or blue carpret. It was sunny out. I knew i bitched, because I couldn't contact my friend to tell him that I was not going to be there. I think it is a him. It was atlantic airlines.

2) I was in La Crosse. Going into a bar near the libary, but it wasn't the libary. Big bar. Had red in it. Read and white. Maybe tile floors. Bar was to the right when you walked in. THere were stools. there were some people. It wasn't a gay bar, but w as. I remember someone talking my shoes. My blue shoes that I wore to Europe. They took them, and I was in black socks. I tried to find them, and looked in a closet that was filled with boxes. I found them and my blue umbrella or maybe purple, in a "lost and found" box. I had to find my shoes to get into players. There were club guys twillerling flags. There was someone that i knew there from viterbo, a guy, but I can't recall his name.

3)Ran into KAra. I was going down a street, with stone walls on each side. Let into a building. Green walls, old stairs. Like the ones in college buildings, went up left and up a flight, and into a foyer with some pottery, on white pedastals covered with glass. There were books. it was about mid afternoon. Sunny. She was gonig down a slope and i up. There was glass walls on our left. She stoped and got all excited. I told her to fuck off and i can't talk to her right now. I walked outside. It was the fine arts center in platteville, kind of. At least on the campus.

4). I was at the top of a castle. It was filled with water, adn we had to cross a wall to get to the other side. It was sort of a maze. I was with maybe kate blanchet. There was a rabbit, and a styrofoam box or boat with things in it. We were on a hunt for some treasure or something. We went down this tunnel. Then we went straight down. There was this one area, where there were letters, like a code or something. TO the north was a room with some others looking at books. they were on the hunt as well. Then there were bathroom stalls, green, they were lime green on the right. The rabbit went first, and I followed, straight down.I was falling. Something abotu my mother, and browns. Brown castle. Not sure.

When I dream, in the a.m. I write down anything that comes to mind, color, day, anything, and they write it up later. It is most important to get it down first. Write what comes to mind about the dream.

Met with john in parrie. Among the topics of conversation:

1. My Job Search
2. Mayo
3. Uw-la Crosse
4. Kara

1. He found a job. WOrking at a new restruant as a mangager. I hope it pulls through.
2. Mayo: he felt that I should just stay put. THe money is great, and it's comfortable.
3. He wanted to know if had been accepted. I will call on tues. He made a valid comment. If i am accepted, that affects other things in my life.
4. Kara: He flet that I need to move on. And stop having her affect my life. To turn the page. That is easy for him to say. He isnt' living with it. It is not that easy. However, i know it is time to let go, i jsut need to be ready when it happens.

Your Hear now. Have been. Will be. There's no room for anyone else, your hear. Not sure why, or your motivation, however I feel that I am put out. The space is small and there is no room left. O well. That's it. Said. Did Done.