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I feel it compelling to write, for if it is documented, maybe there will be some sense to this.
On Thrusday, Mark and I went to the adult bookstore. We met up with Scott there, and we watched a few video's. I got extremly horny, but nothing happened.
On Friday eveningg, Mark and I went back again, and I ended up going with some guy in the back, and got my rocks off. Mark, wanted to do the same, yet Dave C. showed up and kind of ruined his plans of going into a video booth and doing his thing.
When we got back to Mark's house, is bf Travis was gone, and while I got my drag shit in order, Mark proceded to jack off. It was quite arousing to watch someone just jack off right then and there. But it happened, and life went on.
When I got to the bar for the drag show there were ALOT of performers, Tracy, Stella, Ron, Jade, Me, Monique Marquette, and Annie lee (or something). Anyways there was talk of smoking pot, but I hesitated to do so. After the show was done (and on a side note, Dave C. said I changed SO MUCh and LOOK so GOOD. Stella asked me to perform in wausau tonight and to judge, but that would of been too much. However I was surprised she asked me. Jade and I went to the third floor of the bar, and started to get stoned. Mind you, prior to this I had 1) shot, and about 3 jack and cokes in my system. We smoked a joint, and then started to suck each other off. It was hot and heavy. By the time I got back down to the dressing room, the drugs and etoh mixed, and I started to get very sweatty. I went and found Mark, and asked when he wanted to leave.. he got travis, and I kind of disapeared. The next thing I knew, I couldn't really stand up, and I blacked out. Things went in and out of focus like a bad 60's acid trip or sci-fi movie. The last thing I remember is mark comming in and out of focus, and him saying my name. It sounded from far far away, and soon he came into focus, and I said mary. Travis took my to the bathroom and held me up, while I proceded to puke my brains out. He was there with me through thick and thin and i owe him for that. Then Mark packed up my shit, and then travis and I went to the car. I became so hot and sweatty, it was not a good thing. They got me in the car, an drove me home. I don't remeber the drive home, except it was either really cold, or really hot. Then I stumbled to the bed, and took out my contacts, and got into bed naked. I have pictures of me passed out, which I will post when I post.
As I laid in bed, i was more fucked up then drunk, and I heard them talking above me. They said that one moment i was fine, and then the next moment, WAM, I was g o n e GONE! It was hard to hear, and in the flip side, no one knows that I got pretty much fucked up and stoned.
Besides making an ASS out of myself and leaving alot of stuff at the bar, I feel I have reached rock bottom. As posted before, the more I dive into this type of world, the more I will abuse it, and I am sure, surely and slowly it will kill me off.
The Barrel Pack- on 3-13-04
1. Quiting Smoking-None Today
2. No more drugs
3. No more etoh
4. After 1 more year, kill GInger off
5. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise
Day one completed.
On Thrusday, Mark and I went to the adult bookstore. We met up with Scott there, and we watched a few video's. I got extremly horny, but nothing happened.
On Friday eveningg, Mark and I went back again, and I ended up going with some guy in the back, and got my rocks off. Mark, wanted to do the same, yet Dave C. showed up and kind of ruined his plans of going into a video booth and doing his thing.
When we got back to Mark's house, is bf Travis was gone, and while I got my drag shit in order, Mark proceded to jack off. It was quite arousing to watch someone just jack off right then and there. But it happened, and life went on.
When I got to the bar for the drag show there were ALOT of performers, Tracy, Stella, Ron, Jade, Me, Monique Marquette, and Annie lee (or something). Anyways there was talk of smoking pot, but I hesitated to do so. After the show was done (and on a side note, Dave C. said I changed SO MUCh and LOOK so GOOD. Stella asked me to perform in wausau tonight and to judge, but that would of been too much. However I was surprised she asked me. Jade and I went to the third floor of the bar, and started to get stoned. Mind you, prior to this I had 1) shot, and about 3 jack and cokes in my system. We smoked a joint, and then started to suck each other off. It was hot and heavy. By the time I got back down to the dressing room, the drugs and etoh mixed, and I started to get very sweatty. I went and found Mark, and asked when he wanted to leave.. he got travis, and I kind of disapeared. The next thing I knew, I couldn't really stand up, and I blacked out. Things went in and out of focus like a bad 60's acid trip or sci-fi movie. The last thing I remember is mark comming in and out of focus, and him saying my name. It sounded from far far away, and soon he came into focus, and I said mary. Travis took my to the bathroom and held me up, while I proceded to puke my brains out. He was there with me through thick and thin and i owe him for that. Then Mark packed up my shit, and then travis and I went to the car. I became so hot and sweatty, it was not a good thing. They got me in the car, an drove me home. I don't remeber the drive home, except it was either really cold, or really hot. Then I stumbled to the bed, and took out my contacts, and got into bed naked. I have pictures of me passed out, which I will post when I post.
As I laid in bed, i was more fucked up then drunk, and I heard them talking above me. They said that one moment i was fine, and then the next moment, WAM, I was g o n e GONE! It was hard to hear, and in the flip side, no one knows that I got pretty much fucked up and stoned.
Besides making an ASS out of myself and leaving alot of stuff at the bar, I feel I have reached rock bottom. As posted before, the more I dive into this type of world, the more I will abuse it, and I am sure, surely and slowly it will kill me off.
The Barrel Pack- on 3-13-04
1. Quiting Smoking-None Today
2. No more drugs
3. No more etoh
4. After 1 more year, kill GInger off
5. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise
Day one completed.
