Those Garlands

[thirteenrocks]

I had a dream about her. Last night. In Color.

As if I was on a mission to get to some place. The location was hilly, possibly san-francisco Hilly, but it wasn't San Francisco. It was mid-day, closer to noon. I had traveled WEST by foot in the city, to a somewhat adobe church. From there, I went down hill and crossed a busy intersection. She was there. In business attire, with her red hair. I ignored her, and continued up the hill. She stopped, I stoped, and it was of course the awkward moment. She talked to me. She was dressed in blue, maybe a blue trench-coat. and she was carying papers...

And I awoke with these images that have plaqued today. Apart of me wishes I didn't wake up. The other half, wonders what it all means, of anything.

Comments

[thespian15.livejournal.com]

San Francisco? and you are wasting it on a dream. :p
Hugs, Jon

wrongola

[thirteenrocks.livejournal.com]

In the dream it "was san-francisco-LIKE" It wasn't san francisco. But thanks for playin'

Re: wrongola

[thespian15.livejournal.com]

What's my consolation prize Johnny?

[jade-athyst.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I told you, but I lost a friend in a similar situation to yours. It was a guy, but we were never romantically involved. It was just pure friendship and a deeper understanding than I have ever felt with anyone, before or since.

But anyways, sometimes I have this dream where I go to the site where his house had been, (it's been torn down). And I'm just sitting there, on what's left of the stone foundation. His house was in the boondocks, and sometimes I'd catch glimpses of him, at the end of the driveway, or between the trees. It's like you said, I wish I didn't wake up. Like if I stayed in the dream long enough, he'd come ove to me. But he never does.

Reocurring?

[thirteenrocks.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing that with me. IT took along time for me to deal with the lost. Although it still comes up from time to time. Do you have the same dream reoccuring often?

Re: Reocurring?

[jade-athyst.livejournal.com]

No, I'v only had it or a version of it three or four times over the years. I think what causes the most pain when these things happen is all the qustions. I just want to ask him- why? I saw our friendship as a soulmate type relationship, was I reading too much into it? And the millions of memories we had together and the things we shared, did they just mean nothing to him? But most of all, how do you care so deeply about someone and then just suddenly shut it off, like a switch? How does that happen?

Sometimes I think it would have been easier if we'd just had a huge fight, then I would have a reason. But we didn't. He just flipped that switch one day and I don't think I'll ever know why.

Nail on the head

[thirteenrocks.livejournal.com]

Kara and I were soul-mates. We had a relationship that was so strong, so detailed, and really worked for both of us. During the 6-7 years we were "together" Then to have it turn off with a switch, without any reason, really cut me in half. I want to know WHY. One doesn't share his or her life with another person, and then just disapear without a reason. I just wish I knew.

I came to realise I'll never know. And in all reality, I would of taken a fight, or even a physical death, over not knowing. Then there would be something to pin the ending of the relationship on.

My therapist really helped me talk through my feelings and not blaming myself (which I did 100%) for the failed relationship. If it wasn't for her, I'd still be a mess.

Re: Nail on the head

[jade-athyst.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm not a mess anymore, but I was for a while. Thank God for therapists huh? Wow, no one has ever understood before when I'd say, "it woud lmost be easier to deal with if he'd died". Yhe'd just look at me like I was crazy, or like I wished him dead, which was so totally not the point.

It's funny, (well not really funny, but you know...) always thought that switch was a guy thing. No offense. But the only people I've ever known who could turn it on and off like that were male.

My own father did it when I was a baby. He just walked away and never came back. We live in a kinda small town, and I've run into family and friends of his before. One really good friend of his came through my line when I was working as a cashier in high school. Somehow we got in the topic of my having a lot of family in the area. told him my father's name. He did a wicked double take, and then he said, "goddamn you look like it, but Billy doesn't have any kids!" Yeah, that was a little painful.

Nail on the head

[thirteenrocks.livejournal.com]

She "left" back in 2000. Seven years ago. Although I can honestly say, I've grown from the experience, and am a better person because of it, there are times and objects, and incidences, in the dream where it comes back to haunt me.