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Vision 20/20
21 February 2020 18:29I felt ignored. Again.
Ignored, may not be the correct word. Lack of intimacy, perhaps. However I correspond intimacy with sexual activity and that is not correct either.
Intimacy in the context of having meaningful conversations with individuals. Or at least a connection.
A theory could be that the silence and being alone caused my little breakdown on Saturday night, specially since I tend to keep to myself in my mundane life.
I spoke at heart circle regarding this emotion of feeling ignored. Hesitant because I didn't want to come off as needy or seeking attention. After I had my little speech in front of about 40 men, it occurred to me of this, and the untrue-fullness that I hadn't gotten attention at Gathering. Truly it was the lack of intimacy that got me all upset. Here I am, stoned, in a care-bear onesie, going back to my cabin, to cry myself to sleep. On a Saturday night. Good times.
It was many factors that caused this: Seagull's conversation, Lantana blowing me off, not once, not twice, but three times in one day, and eating dinner alone at that little table for two in the corner. Then I went to the Love lounge, figuring I could meet someone there, to successfully talk to or at least get laid, but that person, left shortly after I arrived.
Failing to fall asleep, I got up and out of the cabin and ended up discussing my feelings with faerie Kitan (Kit-Tawn), which helped. Then I passed out on the lounge couch, and knew it was time to put myself to bed.
My enjoyment participating in faerie space is dealing with my emotions or the experience itself. I find that is where the "meat" is, and things I can work on. Much of what the Fairy Camp is the experience. No matter how annoying or stressful, or joyful, it is.
But one has to watch her food stamps around some of those faeries, because among the Queers, Transmen, alien's, and elf's, there are some shady bitches, and the attention from some, did not go unnoticed for alterior motives.
Riversong had passed in a freak accident. Braveheart, brought part of his estate to disperse. I got quite the chuckle of the colletions: Porn, a quite eccentric collection of Phalus, and a bin of gay greeting cards and art postcards of men. I can be quite the klepto at these gatherings, and I helped myself to the free vintage gay greeting card lot, for sure. Numerous times.
And I couldn't help myself to a aztec pottery piece of a man with a large phalus. Vintage homo-erotic items are not rare, but scarce.
Monday afternoon, I finally told Mark, that I was done, and we needed to get off the land, and back to Salem. I didn't make it back to Portland till 5:30, which was ample time to run to the Scrap PDX, and the weed store (however I was turned away due to the expired license), even though the security lady at the front desk, knows me. I crashed shortly after.
Prior to leaving PDX on Tuesday, I went to Fairy Breakfast. I didn't go to the after party on Monday night, due to being OVER it. I enjoyed breakfast, was able to see Shine from Austin again, and it was nice to spend some time in Portland proper before heading to the airport.
I looked in the directory again, and counted 100 photos. I noticed that my contact information wasn't enclosed, and if it was, I am sure not seeing it.
Ignored, may not be the correct word. Lack of intimacy, perhaps. However I correspond intimacy with sexual activity and that is not correct either.
Intimacy in the context of having meaningful conversations with individuals. Or at least a connection.
A theory could be that the silence and being alone caused my little breakdown on Saturday night, specially since I tend to keep to myself in my mundane life.
I spoke at heart circle regarding this emotion of feeling ignored. Hesitant because I didn't want to come off as needy or seeking attention. After I had my little speech in front of about 40 men, it occurred to me of this, and the untrue-fullness that I hadn't gotten attention at Gathering. Truly it was the lack of intimacy that got me all upset. Here I am, stoned, in a care-bear onesie, going back to my cabin, to cry myself to sleep. On a Saturday night. Good times.
It was many factors that caused this: Seagull's conversation, Lantana blowing me off, not once, not twice, but three times in one day, and eating dinner alone at that little table for two in the corner. Then I went to the Love lounge, figuring I could meet someone there, to successfully talk to or at least get laid, but that person, left shortly after I arrived.
Failing to fall asleep, I got up and out of the cabin and ended up discussing my feelings with faerie Kitan (Kit-Tawn), which helped. Then I passed out on the lounge couch, and knew it was time to put myself to bed.
My enjoyment participating in faerie space is dealing with my emotions or the experience itself. I find that is where the "meat" is, and things I can work on. Much of what the Fairy Camp is the experience. No matter how annoying or stressful, or joyful, it is.
But one has to watch her food stamps around some of those faeries, because among the Queers, Transmen, alien's, and elf's, there are some shady bitches, and the attention from some, did not go unnoticed for alterior motives.
Riversong had passed in a freak accident. Braveheart, brought part of his estate to disperse. I got quite the chuckle of the colletions: Porn, a quite eccentric collection of Phalus, and a bin of gay greeting cards and art postcards of men. I can be quite the klepto at these gatherings, and I helped myself to the free vintage gay greeting card lot, for sure. Numerous times.
And I couldn't help myself to a aztec pottery piece of a man with a large phalus. Vintage homo-erotic items are not rare, but scarce.
Monday afternoon, I finally told Mark, that I was done, and we needed to get off the land, and back to Salem. I didn't make it back to Portland till 5:30, which was ample time to run to the Scrap PDX, and the weed store (however I was turned away due to the expired license), even though the security lady at the front desk, knows me. I crashed shortly after.
Prior to leaving PDX on Tuesday, I went to Fairy Breakfast. I didn't go to the after party on Monday night, due to being OVER it. I enjoyed breakfast, was able to see Shine from Austin again, and it was nice to spend some time in Portland proper before heading to the airport.
I looked in the directory again, and counted 100 photos. I noticed that my contact information wasn't enclosed, and if it was, I am sure not seeing it.