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Got outside for awhile and took a spin on the bike. Quite fun. Went to quary hill where the old state hospital used to be. Just when you think you know an area, WHAM, something new sprouts out. I rode around and stumbeled on a newly erected sign that stated the area before me, an open area, with no trees, is the place of the old state hospital cemetary. It is wierd, because there are only 3 headstones, and those I had to search for.... just found it kind of odd.
28 August 2003
Phone Calls
28 August 2003 06:53Since I work nights (and manage to stay up late on my days off) I usually let the answer phone pick up while I am sleeping. I wake up, listen to the message, and if it is important, wake up and call the person back, and if not, fall back to sleep.
Telephones.
When Grandpa Mergen died, I was woken up from the phone, and my dad was the first to get the news.
When Grandma Mergen died, I had been studing. My father tried to get ahold of me, and called my apt numerouse times, this of course was prior to the age of cell phones.
When Grandma Thiede died, I had been at work. I worked a day shift (which was unlike me), and I got home to a message left earlier in the a.m. Of course the one day I forget to have my cell phone with me...
When Grandpa Thiede died, I had just gotten home from work. There had been a message left on my machine from my dad, and I knew.. one just knows.
The phone rang, this a.m. And like a trained monkey, I let the machine pick it up. Beep.
"Hi kevin, it's abotu 6:35, your probably sound alsleep. When you get this message, why don't you call me at home, if I am not there, call me on my cell phone" Click.
She died during the night. My father saw her yesterday, and knew it would be soon. She didn't know them. She died during the night, alone. Silently, and without fanfare. The hospital called them around midnight-not sure if was before or after, if it was yesterday or today, and does it really matter? It doesn't.
One hurries up and waits. It's this long waiting game, for what.. a bunch of nothing, a long long wait for the inevatable, and time moves so much slower.
.....the other night I had one of the few intellegent conversations on gay.com. Dewd (short for Dewey), who is HIV+ ranted on how no one wants to get to close to him because of his status, on how he is "blacked" balled in the gay community, almost like leporsy, and how he wants someone to have, to hold, and to be there when he dies..he said he didn't want to die alone....
I reply'd, that I want to go alone. Silently, peacefully, and without drama, without fanfare. Two examples: "Love Valour Compassion" one of the great fag films of our time...in which Arthur dies at the end, silently, peacefully, ""just like my life.."". Grandpa Jo-my brothers wife's grandfather, never been sick, was at home one night whatching "everyone loves Raymond", was checked on at about 2100, and was praying the roseary, and just passed. Checked on him about 2145 and he was gone. No fanfare, no drama, just peace-silent and peacefull.
I want to wake up one day, and decide to take a walk, in whitewater St. Park, and go for this long walk in the woods, and just kiel over, get to close to a cliff, and fall over, or just be sleeping, one day when I decided to sleep just that much more, and just not wake up. I want to be traveling in a foriegn country, the wind at my back, and just vanish, become the dust, become the air, become the wind and the trees....
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow;
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hust
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of birds circled in flight,
I am the soft start that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die.
And if you don't think that isn't going to be either said or printed in my obit, your crazy.
I'm thankful that I made the trip to see her. That I was able to talk to her, and that she knew I was there, that is important to me. Very important. She was a very special lady, and she will be missed. As I said on Friday, she is looking down on us, right now, and getting her pair of wings. St. Peter, get ready.
Telephones.
When Grandpa Mergen died, I was woken up from the phone, and my dad was the first to get the news.
When Grandma Mergen died, I had been studing. My father tried to get ahold of me, and called my apt numerouse times, this of course was prior to the age of cell phones.
When Grandma Thiede died, I had been at work. I worked a day shift (which was unlike me), and I got home to a message left earlier in the a.m. Of course the one day I forget to have my cell phone with me...
When Grandpa Thiede died, I had just gotten home from work. There had been a message left on my machine from my dad, and I knew.. one just knows.
The phone rang, this a.m. And like a trained monkey, I let the machine pick it up. Beep.
"Hi kevin, it's abotu 6:35, your probably sound alsleep. When you get this message, why don't you call me at home, if I am not there, call me on my cell phone" Click.
She died during the night. My father saw her yesterday, and knew it would be soon. She didn't know them. She died during the night, alone. Silently, and without fanfare. The hospital called them around midnight-not sure if was before or after, if it was yesterday or today, and does it really matter? It doesn't.
One hurries up and waits. It's this long waiting game, for what.. a bunch of nothing, a long long wait for the inevatable, and time moves so much slower.
.....the other night I had one of the few intellegent conversations on gay.com. Dewd (short for Dewey), who is HIV+ ranted on how no one wants to get to close to him because of his status, on how he is "blacked" balled in the gay community, almost like leporsy, and how he wants someone to have, to hold, and to be there when he dies..he said he didn't want to die alone....
I reply'd, that I want to go alone. Silently, peacefully, and without drama, without fanfare. Two examples: "Love Valour Compassion" one of the great fag films of our time...in which Arthur dies at the end, silently, peacefully, ""just like my life.."". Grandpa Jo-my brothers wife's grandfather, never been sick, was at home one night whatching "everyone loves Raymond", was checked on at about 2100, and was praying the roseary, and just passed. Checked on him about 2145 and he was gone. No fanfare, no drama, just peace-silent and peacefull.
I want to wake up one day, and decide to take a walk, in whitewater St. Park, and go for this long walk in the woods, and just kiel over, get to close to a cliff, and fall over, or just be sleeping, one day when I decided to sleep just that much more, and just not wake up. I want to be traveling in a foriegn country, the wind at my back, and just vanish, become the dust, become the air, become the wind and the trees....
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow;
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hust
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of birds circled in flight,
I am the soft start that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die.
And if you don't think that isn't going to be either said or printed in my obit, your crazy.
I'm thankful that I made the trip to see her. That I was able to talk to her, and that she knew I was there, that is important to me. Very important. She was a very special lady, and she will be missed. As I said on Friday, she is looking down on us, right now, and getting her pair of wings. St. Peter, get ready.
