The Answer
22 December 2004 02:19![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thirteenrocksThe world today is in shambels. For whatever reason, whatever theory, whatever cause. It is. Nothing is going to change that.
For awhile I've been putting the blame on others. Putting the blame on friends, on imaginary tangable thoughts, on money, on sins, on religion, on and on and on. Its been only recently, that I really discovered what the problem is:
The Problem is me
My mind is a vast wasteland of thoughts, actions, and induendo's, swirling about. Contemplating. Decideing. Obsessing. Ideas are contructed constantly, some are carried out, others are soaked into the ventricles and swirl again. Everything is brought to the alter for aproval, or non-aproval. She is to fat, they don't know what they are doing, I hate this, I'm stupid. Everyone is judged, everything has a motive. Everything is part of a master plan.
A plan that is a mismatch piece of the wrong jigsaw puzzle.
I've built this wall around me. "and I will be the one to knock it down." I've built this wall, where on one side is east germany, the other is west. One is hell, the other is utopia. A utopia of my own hilter-istic society, of the "ideal" perfect person. Anyone who doesn't fit the mold, is executed. "This is my world, and I am the world leader pretend."
These thoughts are the rules I live by. The energy of the army's of my defense. The mechinisms of my defense. A defense that is the morter of these very walls I built. My reasoning behind my actions protects me. Conforts me. It allows my thoughts, the vast wastland to get some rest. sometimes. Its my ambien, my benadryl, my saftey.
And it is in this machine, that I struggle. Struggle with myself, others. Allows me to lash out, to jump from pedistal, to pedistal without falling. To help me face the idots of today, to see the idots of tomarrow. Its my personality.
THerefore, if the problem is me. Pray tell me, what is the answer?
For awhile I've been putting the blame on others. Putting the blame on friends, on imaginary tangable thoughts, on money, on sins, on religion, on and on and on. Its been only recently, that I really discovered what the problem is:
My mind is a vast wasteland of thoughts, actions, and induendo's, swirling about. Contemplating. Decideing. Obsessing. Ideas are contructed constantly, some are carried out, others are soaked into the ventricles and swirl again. Everything is brought to the alter for aproval, or non-aproval. She is to fat, they don't know what they are doing, I hate this, I'm stupid. Everyone is judged, everything has a motive. Everything is part of a master plan.
A plan that is a mismatch piece of the wrong jigsaw puzzle.
I've built this wall around me. "and I will be the one to knock it down." I've built this wall, where on one side is east germany, the other is west. One is hell, the other is utopia. A utopia of my own hilter-istic society, of the "ideal" perfect person. Anyone who doesn't fit the mold, is executed. "This is my world, and I am the world leader pretend."
These thoughts are the rules I live by. The energy of the army's of my defense. The mechinisms of my defense. A defense that is the morter of these very walls I built. My reasoning behind my actions protects me. Conforts me. It allows my thoughts, the vast wastland to get some rest. sometimes. Its my ambien, my benadryl, my saftey.
And it is in this machine, that I struggle. Struggle with myself, others. Allows me to lash out, to jump from pedistal, to pedistal without falling. To help me face the idots of today, to see the idots of tomarrow. Its my personality.
THerefore, if the problem is me. Pray tell me, what is the answer?