The greener Grass

On November 13th, 2005, I will have been at Mayo Clinic for 5 years. Five years on the same unit. Although I started on a 8/12 hour day/night rotation (aka HELL), I managed to obtain a Sacred and RARE straight 12 hour night position a few years ago. Honestly, that's the only thing that keeps me alive anymore.

I'm 99.9% postivite that I am suffering from Nursing burnout. Tonight added to my frustation. I'm tired of people that are uneducated, unable to critical think, and basically got his or her RN license out of a fucking cracker-jack box. I'm SICK of being the go-to guy, of picking up everyone elses shit.

Added to the mix of course is the daily runaround crap thrown in directly from the nurse manager (aka Satan), who has no clue what floor nursing is all about. She's nothing more that a mucky-muck who sits in meetings all day to decide what the "pawns" should do next. And lets face it folks, nursing shortage or not, we are ALL expendable.

I have applied before to leave the unit, all which resulted in disaster. One interviewer even had the nerve to tell me that I have emotional problems that need to be controled (this, this comming from my interview?? things that make one go hmmm...).

Is the grass greener on the other side?

Do I sit, and hope that the situation gets better, or do I move on to where it could be better, could be worst. Not only would I give up my straight night postion, but I'd be back basiclly to square one.

THere's a job in the ER that sounds fun.
THere's another posting for the ICU that david works on.

Somethings got to change.

I'd quit and join the peace corp, however I need my RN $$ like no tomarrow.

There is no clear solution to the problem.

(no subject)

You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from. Always remeber that one guy who was hiking alone and got in a rock slide. He could have died, but he cut his own hand off to save himself. Don't end up like him (or worse, dead). </td> Disappear 93% Suicide 73% Natural Causes 67% Cut Throat 53% Gunshot 47% Bomb 47% Posion 40% Stabbed 40% Disease 33% Accident 33% Drowning 27% Suffocated 20% Eaten 0% How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com

dave photo

Hope this works,


http://pics.livejournal.com/thirteenrocks/gallery/00004ase

Crossing that line

When I got to work last night, a family arrived on the unit whose husband died on our unit about 3-4 weeks ago. He was dying of a brain tumor, and they made the choice to "let nature" take its course. After stopping any type of life sustaining measures, he finnaly found peace a few weeks later. They came bearing gifts of chocholate and a thank you note.

By any means it is NOT an easy decision to make. THe decision to withdrawl medical support from a human and let "nature" take its course. Its a fine line. Will that person be a vegetable for hte rest of the life, or will months/years down the road will they "recover". What is the quality of life at the given moment, or future moment and would that person want to live that way? Would anyone want to live that way?

Regardless of reasons, family members do have the right to try to fight against something they can never over come. I've seen denial be quite powerful in such situations. Its so easy as a RN, to make those decisions in my mind for others, yet that is not my family member laying there.

Dying is so funny. Its Very MUCH misunderstood and lack of knowledge in the medical community/general society. Many family members feel once we turn off the IV, they will die that minute. Not so much. Some people go fast, others for whatever reason wait for some lost family member to visit (although the pt is in a "coma" and doesn't really notice they are there), or wait for a date to pass, or wait to be alone, it really is individualised when someone decides to "cross that line".

Although not 99.9% scientifically proven, hearing is the last sense to leave the body. People hear up untill the last breath. Thus even though they may not beable to interact with others, they can hear.

Some patients need to know, its time to go. They need permission to cross that line. The most mystical experience was in the nursing home when a nurse kept telling a pt, "its time to go julia, go with the lord, he wants you to come with him, go into the light julia, there is peace in the light, its time to go..." over and over. In ten minutes, she had left this earth.

Rosemary hung on, untill the dead of night, and went silently, alone-much how she lived her life.

Grandma M fought and gave in to fate. She thought the nursing assistant was the caretaker. Silently, 4 months to the DAY of her birthday, with four sons still alive, with 2 daughters next to her, taking 4 breaths she crossed that line.

And what is quality of life? What life to be watered, fed, turned, bathed like a flower- What life to be staring off into space, to not beable to breathe on ones one, to be confined. What' life?

The question, O me! so sad, recurring--What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.

That you are here--that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse. -Uncle Walt Whitman

What if, however, time after time, a pt wakes up, and is healed. I've seen it happen with thine own eyes. With hope all things are possible. With hope-all things are possible within reason. A grade four Astro brain tumor doesn't hold much hope. Significant brain damage due to ______, doesn't hold much hope. Science had not been able to successfully grow brain matter in a test tube, dig up legs in the garden for replantation, make the lame walk on water.

ITs a fine fine line to cross. To make a decision that is final, to cross over that line into the black veil, in which no one has returned.