New Years and found objects

My new years was uneventful-mainly because it was the same song and dance routine. And it was comforting to know that Brent felt the same way about the "stereotypical gay body mold" as I do.

Once home, I couldn't sleep and drove over 300 miles (total) to an auction. Got home late, and slept in.

I have managed in the first 72 hours, to break every new years resolution that I made.


Sometimes I really need to reflect that Rome wasn't just built in a day, and not to get hard on myself. And with that being said, I feel like dropping out of the race, it is more peaceful that way, Socially speaking). After I quit doing drag, a wonderful peace was slowly placed over me. It was like todaY when Jamie called and wanted to talk drag and about the next rochester show, I kept tellin him, I am over that. I don't want to sit and talk about that bullshit... about a really big bunch of bullshit. ITs to the point where I loathe drag, to the point of hating it. Its not about the art, but how people are in drag, how they relate in and out of drag, when DRAG is just there life. It becomes an addiction, an obsession. I am so glad I got out. Its been refeshing.

Talked to my antique buds, and emailed them a photo of a piece of artwork I got at the auction. It was like being on the Antiques Roadshow... they became really excited. The piece I got is a MAXWELL PARRISH artowrk. LINK: http://www.bpib.com/illustrat/parrish.htm Parrish was born in 1870 and died in the early 1960's. His work is very unqiue and expensive. I saw this print at the auction, thought it looked great, bought it, and had no idea what I was buying. I paid 10.00 for it.

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The state of the union address

Credit should be given, where credit is due. And it takes just a few times, sometimes more than that, to shove that mirror in ones face, to really get a good look at oneself-almost a microscopic look, and relise you have to take the initiative, and understand, you have to R E S P E C T yourself.

I havn't done much of that lately. Nor am I proud of what I have done, or failed to do.

I'm 28, have a great job, good personality, nice house, a somewhat good head on my shoulders, and yet at times it is as if I have my head up my ass for the bulk of my existance.

Its time to take back control of my life, and not follow any type of rule.

I'm tired of taking in charity cases. Tired of dealing with other peoples drama. Three case studies in point:

1) Gene. Gene speaks with a limited vocabulary, and controls the conversation by talkign shit about his last relationship which he has overanalysed to the point of gaging himself on the marrow of the bone of the dead beat up horse. I don't care. A person can't have a normal conversation with him, because the only thing out of his mouth is, "I know, I don't know, you know, and you know what I mean." And my repsonse to that is Fucking seek some mental help-because I don't know, and I don't care.

2) The drag queen from IA: I understand you live in a small town and don't have any gay friends. Sucks to be you. However, how many times do I have to tell you, I don't want to talk about Drag, I don't want to get into another pissing contest over drag, I dont' want to get into the drama, I don't give a flying fuck about it. I got out of it, for a reason, and I sure don't want to dive into it again. Your on disability, live for your next show, and all about stiring the pot. I'm not. Look, I sold you a costume, gave you some contacts for people to do shows, now how about leaving me the FUCK ALONE!

3) Tom. Tom came over last night. I have lost all respect for him, that I ever did have. I could justify my anger and frustration with him by saying he has had a fucked up childhood... but its a cop-out. Tom is a 35+ year old man, who doesn't have his shit in order, overweight, repulsive, and lacking of all social graces. WHen your invited over to someones house, you don't make yourself at home, unless you have been invited to, and even then out of respect for the other person, you have some decency about it. Some of the things he said when we were having sex, was such bullshit. IF your uncomfortable with yourself, fine, but don't come into my life and make mine miserable. I dont' understand why he has to have all the lights off, the doors locked, and window shades pulled. Its 1:00 a.m., I don't think anyone is going to try to look in.. or come in, unanouced. Parinoid? I think so.

I freaked out when he tried to turn off the new lamp I just bought, and had a heart attack when he laid on the couch. I could just see him kicking it, without paying attention. I freaked out. I didn't pay 250.00 for a lamp, to have him break it, because he is such an ox. My house, my posessions are a little bit important. Fuck, in toms house, you can't even move because of the amount of SHIT he has. It really is a natural disaster.

I'm done. Finished. I'm determined not to get myself invovled.

I don't want to go to the drag show this weekend, because I don't want to deal with any shit.
I refuse to get on gay.com because I am tired of all the hookups.
I refuse to have contact with Gene or Tom, because I'm not a charity.

Its better to be alone. I am all that I can handel right now.

THANK YOU

BIG THANKS for noellechristine, and brossow you guys rock!