29 June 2003

*stepping up on soapbox*

It's time. Time. To. Move. On.

Why would anyone have the heart do perform back surgery on the geriatric patient who has multiple medical problems, poor health and physical condition?

Why would anyone choose to have back surgery in which case the doctors are going to take black and decker power tools to your SPINE, RiPpInG out bones, muscle, tissue, and then sewing it all back together?

Do you THINK that this is going to be pain free? That your not going to be sore, and/or you may not be as "lively" as before.

What do the general public think they are getting themselves into, when they are a patient in a hospital? Do they expect to be treated like royality? Mints on pillows? That the nurse/PCA/DR. is there 24/7 for any and all demands no matter how unrealistic they may be, to be carried out, in less time than it would normally do?

And do they ever wonder, that they are working with complete strangers, who get anoyed ALOT by his/her little routines, or persnicketties, and really could care less what they do at home because this isn't home, and this is an entirely new environment.

In fact, this goes along with my rant on Forigen travel. Americans who think the consitution and "the AMERICAN" way automatically goes with them, when they travel. I. Don't. Fucking. Think. So. Remember Chris colombus (the historian and NOT the movie director of the harry potter films?), and how he crossed the ocean, and how the pilgrims traveled and started a "NEW" colony, and how we fought for FREEDOM? When you travel to another area, you abide by THEIR rules/regulations, and culture, and not your own. There is yet another big bad world outside coke a cola, american idol, reality TV, and baseball-believe it or not!!

Do you even realise that you need to motivate yourself to get better, that medicine and nursing can only do SO MUCH, and that you lock they key to your own recovery within yourself?

The blame, will be placed on ignorance. Ignorance in a global view of the world and how the world is intertwined, which in part is due to the social disposition placed on them by age, location, and disposition. In simpler lingo, the pt is older and unable to comprehend or understand complex matters: i.e. most do not have a h.s. degree, or a college degree, and most live very simple lives (think white trash).

Could someone explain all this to me, cause i just don't get it.

*stepping off soap box*
When it comes to relationships, I am either an idiot, or just too well informed. I have loved, and I have lost. And yet, I find alot of gay relationships to be very shallow and unfillfilling. I find that most if not all gay men want to use me for sex, and thats it. I want more than that. I want the white picket fence, the dog, and the 2.5 imiginary kids *smile*. Is that too much to ask?

And the dating scene resembles a grotesque horror film. One in which our Herione is lost in a haunted house, and there are lots of dead bodies, and blood-the whole nine yards. Where does one even begin to find husband material? The net, bars, crusing areas which have for so long been great outlits to hookup for the night, for the hour. And what is the others motivation? sex? to get to know you, and hten have sex? or not get to know you and have sex? or to find stability.

So many gay men have so much drama in thier lives. They don't have a job, or they have children, or they don't have a permenant residence, or they get caught up in the ""wrong"" crowd. And I find myself to be a catch, down to earth, athletic professional SWM 27, enjoys romance, fine dinning to gas station food, camping and five star hotels, good will, movies, and simple things in life. Occasional drinker and recreation drug user, history of depression, and likes the stage.

And I am not about the drama, and I don't care. Gene makes shit up, has had 50 jobs (NO EXGAGGERATION) in the last 2 years, won't say his ex-boyfrieds name in public, and has no diretion in his life. I am not about that.

It reminds me of those fake fucks on tv, the ones in suits who sit and try to figure out the world. It's all about his/her opinion (which has no validity) and they are trying to brainwash the nation one by one. And you wonder why I don't watch tv.

But I degress...

I want the fairytale. I admit it. I want to find someone who is stable, who loves me for my faults and my triumphs, who I can have a deep convesation with, go out to dinner, and NOT sleep with. Someone who is more interested in my mind, than my 9" dick. Someone who I feel comfortable with, who repects me and who I can respect in turn. John wasn't like that, and john held alot of stuff back. You never knew exactly what he was thiking and he liked to twist and turn things around. No, someone not like that.

And is Mr. Right out there? Is he lurking behind a mask, shopping for tofu in the grocery store, hiking up the alps? Where is he, or is he just mr. right now.

The live journal thing is odd. To have complete strangers, read your thoughts, and if they choose, make comments/suggestins/thoughts about them. It's wierd, because I don't know any one on my friends list entirely. Even treesandmagma met me on-line through a wierd little way, and yet I respect what she has to say. Its very strange to know that there is someone in Texas, who reads my entries, whose been through a HELL year, who is bitter at times, and yet strives to know me..the real me... not Ginger, not Kevin, but ME... what makes me tick.. and in return, there is someone in Minnesota who has alot of reservations about the whole thing...
thirteenrocks
Magic Number9
JobSporting Great
PersonalityRainy Day
TemperamentA Yo-Yo
SexualWhatever, Whenever, Whoever
Likely To WinA Nobel Prize
Me - In A WordDitsy
Colour
Brought to you by MemeJack

It wasn't a surprise at all to hear from Brian today. In fact I quite expected it.

Once I crawled out of bed this afternoon, I started working on my little project for him. It made me think of alot of things, and I hope when it is done, he will like it.

Busy week ahead.. and i am debating if I should even try to make it to Platteville, on Wed to attend Becky Lewis Funeral. We shall see.

Of course, I am procrastinating the real reason I'm updating. I feel I need to explain myself:

I like Brian. I like him alot. My heart jumps to hear from him, and I find his voice comforting. However, if there is anything there at all, and possibily and most likey there is, I just don't want to rush into anything quite yet. I want to take my time and not rush into anything. It's the mechinism of my defense. I'm being realistic in the matter. I want to get to know him better and he know me better before I move down there, buy a house, a white picket fense, a dog, a cat, and 2.5 kids and my PITCH WHITE CoCo Vega Wedding gown with a train that is at least 1/2 a mile long.


Closer I am to fine.

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Kevin

May 2025

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