Decision

It dawned on me, after finishing a Queer as folk eposode, although, I know that had nothing to do with it.

Why am I so scared, why can't I let go. Why can't I just follow my thoughts, my dreams. Why can't I make things happen.

I wanted to become a nurse, there were boundries, I overcame. I'm a nurse.

I wanted to do drag. I had boundries, but I overcame them. I performed. I became part of the spotlight.

Why can't I see what's right in front of me. Why are the armies of my defense mechnisms in full force, what am I scared of. It wasn't me who left, it wasn't me who stoped calling. I did everything I wanted to do. It wasn't my fault. IT's not my fault.

This isn't about money, about glamour, about fame, fortune, or sucsess, this is about LIFE, LIVING, BREATHING, LEARNING, DEVELOPMENT, and GROWING. That is what this is about.

It's been my dream to have my own "art" opening. My own presentation of my art, MY creativity, my design. It's been my dream to act in the play "The night Larry Kramer Kissed me." It's been my dream to direct "Torch song Trilogy.". Why not fucking do it. It's something I wanted to do. It's being handed in front of me. In front of me, on a platter, is this chance, this oportunity. This new quest, and I'm not accepting it. I run away, I make excuses.

THIS, THIS is my new chapter, my NEW learning experience, THIS is my fate. This is my destiny, I have to realise that this is what I have ment to do, and I have to go for it, because you only get one life, just one, and you have to grab at every oportunity that you can get. It dawned on me....

I will be attending UW-La Crosse in the fall.