thirteenrocks | When the lights go down.... (Reply)

"When the lights go down And there's nothing left to be When the lights go down And the truth is all you see"

Quietly, without much fanfare, without much warning, I took to the stage for the final performance last night. Although there are those out there in disbelief, there comes a time, when a performer needs to take his or her final bow. It was my time.

The thought has been brewing in my mind for some time. Recently, I've seen what the "community" had become, and it isn't for me. Its a fly by your seat, when is my next booking, backstabing, how much silicone can I put in my body, business. Most if not all of the "drag queens" I have met-live for the stage. They live day by day, cent by cent. Its not me. Its not my lifestyle.

Promted at a drag show to do one number by Venessa Taylor, I took to the stage in 1998. I owned one wig, one pair of shoes, and one dress. After doing "vouge" I got off the stage and was a hit. It started from there. I've won contests: Miss Rochester 2001, Miss Twin Cities 2001, Miss Central WI USofA 2003, performed in Iowa, MN, WI, and have done shows, birthday parties, private parties. I've operated my own local pageant, made headresses, costumes, and have developed my own personna. I've raised money for AIDS, local charities, and other benefactors. I have done it on my terms. I never had a "drag mama" or any stupid thing like that. I have done it on my own.

I'm tired. Tired of the hours spent making costumes, of putting makeup on, of getting ready for the next "show.". I am tired of the expense, the gowns, costumes, makeup, travel, lodging, ect. I'm tired of the backbiting, "shadyness", gossip. Tired of the pressure of always needing to get "silicone" or "saline" injections. Of trying to become a women, when I am happy being a man.

The pageant that I organised went off without a hitch. 3 contestants, 3 judges, and we were done in 1.5 hours. I took to the stage, and did "I want to know what love is" by Tina Arena. I was in my orange pageant gown. I told the 150+ audience that my priorities changed and this was my last number. There was a hush over the crowd. The song started and I closed my eyes. When I opened them, Harold was there. I had talked to him earlier and he seemed to understand. At the end of hte song, I looked up and didn't expect anything like I did.

The crowd was all standing, with a large applause. I got a standing ovation, once in my life. Hover like a buterfly, sting like a bee, go out with a bang. IT was the most beutiful experience in my life.

It was very bittersweet. I didn't expcet the outpouring of emotion. After it was all said and done, after I signed a few autographs, I took a shower at the hotel, and became a boy-again, forever. I went to the bars, and ran inot Klye. A person who always ignored me. He came and talked to me and wanted to know why ,and said I always put a smile on someones face.

WHY?

WHY? It's time. There was a time for life, and a time for death. She died, so I could live.