I'm enjoying having some time off. Specifically, roaming the house like some lost soul.

The bungalow was built in 1927, from a kit company out of the Quad Cities in Iowa. The orignal owners lived in the house for a few months, before selling. The abstract is detailed, and long. With a plethora of ownership, dreams of finding out any information regarding the house, specifically photographs of the house in its prime, has long been concidered a shitty pipe dream. I exhausted all resources.

Everything happens for a reason.

During the Miss S.E. Pageant fiasco, Bob came over with Chris. Chris is an emotionally disturbed individual who has been a walking time-bomb. Bob with a good nature soul is doing charity work.

Incidently, Chris's informed me that his grandmother had lived in the house........

Last night, at the Gay Happy Hour I ran into Chris. He's going to look into getting copies of photographs for me. I told him specifically interior and exterior shots. I'm sending out good karma that he pulls through.

Why?

The goal eventually will be to compose a scrapbook of all the information regarding the house, and make 2 copies: one for the local historical society, and the second to leave with the house....

I'm slowly cleaning the house, getting rid of the old, and overall just a little late spring cleaning.....

For JULY, the frozen tundra land has been cold. I'm thinking of throwing the Christmas tree up, as it could snow anytime.

The Al-A-nator took photos from the pageant. Here I am in Evening Gown. I'm happy with it, the wig could of been glued to my head, and I hate my lips. Enjoy!

I didn't win. Which is good, because then there is no obligations. HORRAH. I "think" I came in third.

Do you think the gym is paying off?!?

There is a sadistic feeling of having someone work 11:00p.m. to 11:00 A.M. Adding to the mix, a four hour "team" day meeting, which gave me no more information, and made me more cranky, than I was to begin with.

The production rate after working a night shift is less than standard. And talk about ciccadian rythems... lets just say, this shit has got to stop.

Missed my 1:00p.m. "photo" shoot with Rich. Fuck.

I'm also "supposed" to be running in a drag queen pageant on Friday. I havn't performed much, if any since '04, and I'm not prepared. The evening gown needs a zipper, and my talent is very much unresolved.

Right now, I'm thinking of going back to bed.

Fall must be hinting at arrivial, for I feel a change comming on, over me. This feeling could also be entirely in my head.

At the flea market, as expected, I ran into the gay gaggle of dealers from La Crosse, who incidently I either have slept with, have wanted to sleep with, or know from the bar scene. It was my sincere hope to run into them, and we had a small intimate conversation, in which my drag career was unearthed. One of the guys said I was the best, which I thanked him for, realised it was true, and stated that I still stand fully by my decision. Its been 3 years and counting..... one of my better choices, if I say so myself.

Took over charge from Manic Deb, who was her usuall self. She mentioned that she enjoyed my new attitude (that I apparently was in a good mood, and I agree with this assertion). I fully admit there have been some times where I have been a first grade BITCH, it won't surprise me if this comes up in my yearly eval either.

Tuesday I may trek up to the cities. In one trip, I can accomplish alot of.. "STUFF". Dee (an aquaintance) father died, and the wake is in MSP. I'd be going to support her, I can run to Axe-man, and art-scraps, AND then I would possibly be able to visit with Larke and stay over with Larke or Phoenix, and then head back early wed morning. An obligitory trip to IKEA would also be in the works....

Speaking of which, I'm seriously thinking of leaving the MN art group that I "belong" to. I can never make the meetings, and I find the art and the group itself to be: catty, cutesy, and boring. I am the only guy, and it obviously isn't a good mix with these woman. There is only one I will truely miss, and that is because she's very diverse, odd, and enjoyable to be around. ALso, granted, I havn't produced a piece of art in I don't know how long.......

Change is good. Ya ya das is good ya

I tend to believe that the winners of contests and pageants are usually the "best of the best", and because of this, they would follow some type of rules and regulations especially at the National Level of competition.

Having been in both local and National pageant systems, I know first hand how Nit-Picky the judges can be. If you are not up to par, they will CLOCK you for the little things, even if it is not valid (A full beaded sequin gown you spent HOURS looking all over for missing beads-found none, yet the judges inform you that there are missing beads). The more one competes, the more a person comes prepared to keep those little anoyances at bay.

The season performer, one would believe, would KNOW better, especially going into a NATIONAL pageant such as Miss Gay UsofA-The big competition in Dallas Texas. Because it takes steps to get that far, in the system, one would ASSUME that the person who is representating the region, knows what the fuck they are doing.

Therefore, looking at the finally posted photos of Miss Gay USofA 2004, on the website, I was quite utterly pissed off and annoyed at some of the contestants that represented WI,MN,and IA. Each of the "girls" presented themselves 100% better at the LOCAL competition than at Nationals. WHAT THE FUCK!!! People who had backup dancers, steller gowns, and excellent presence, left them all at home while they fucked around in Dallas. Again, WTF.

Such examples can be found in Taylor Roberts: Went to the Interview with ACRYLIC NAILS on his fingers, yet dressed in a shitty suit. If she didn't get clocked from here to Africa and back, something is WRONG. Her talent also lacked her backupdancers that she had at Miss Northern Star. I am NOT a fan of Taylor Roberts, and this totally confirmed it.

Monique Marquette, showed up in Interview in a miss matched suit of something rotted and fierce. She should know fucking better. And then there were the other contestants, that showed up in SHORTS. YES fucking SHORTS. Her gown also was a stepdown to her filthy flawless number she wore to Miss Gay WI when I ran against her.

If this is the SHIT that goes on at Miss Gay USofA in Dallas, there is NO hope for the pageant system. If one can compete in SHORTS and do such tired old numbers as Tina Turner and Chicago (o.k. who hasn't done the chicago number???), then I sure score a place for Usofa in 2006, by just showing up NAKED. My dick size alone should make me a shoo in.

There are sometimes when I regret even throwing on a 9.99 wig and a 5.99 gown.

I feel it compelling to write, for if it is documented, maybe there will be some sense to this.

On Thrusday, Mark and I went to the adult bookstore. We met up with Scott there, and we watched a few video's. I got extremly horny, but nothing happened.

On Friday eveningg, Mark and I went back again, and I ended up going with some guy in the back, and got my rocks off. Mark, wanted to do the same, yet Dave C. showed up and kind of ruined his plans of going into a video booth and doing his thing.

When we got back to Mark's house, is bf Travis was gone, and while I got my drag shit in order, Mark proceded to jack off. It was quite arousing to watch someone just jack off right then and there. But it happened, and life went on.

When I got to the bar for the drag show there were ALOT of performers, Tracy, Stella, Ron, Jade, Me, Monique Marquette, and Annie lee (or something). Anyways there was talk of smoking pot, but I hesitated to do so. After the show was done (and on a side note, Dave C. said I changed SO MUCh and LOOK so GOOD. Stella asked me to perform in wausau tonight and to judge, but that would of been too much. However I was surprised she asked me. Jade and I went to the third floor of the bar, and started to get stoned. Mind you, prior to this I had 1) shot, and about 3 jack and cokes in my system. We smoked a joint, and then started to suck each other off. It was hot and heavy. By the time I got back down to the dressing room, the drugs and etoh mixed, and I started to get very sweatty. I went and found Mark, and asked when he wanted to leave.. he got travis, and I kind of disapeared. The next thing I knew, I couldn't really stand up, and I blacked out. Things went in and out of focus like a bad 60's acid trip or sci-fi movie. The last thing I remember is mark comming in and out of focus, and him saying my name. It sounded from far far away, and soon he came into focus, and I said mary. Travis took my to the bathroom and held me up, while I proceded to puke my brains out. He was there with me through thick and thin and i owe him for that. Then Mark packed up my shit, and then travis and I went to the car. I became so hot and sweatty, it was not a good thing. They got me in the car, an drove me home. I don't remeber the drive home, except it was either really cold, or really hot. Then I stumbled to the bed, and took out my contacts, and got into bed naked. I have pictures of me passed out, which I will post when I post.

As I laid in bed, i was more fucked up then drunk, and I heard them talking above me. They said that one moment i was fine, and then the next moment, WAM, I was g o n e GONE! It was hard to hear, and in the flip side, no one knows that I got pretty much fucked up and stoned.

Besides making an ASS out of myself and leaving alot of stuff at the bar, I feel I have reached rock bottom. As posted before, the more I dive into this type of world, the more I will abuse it, and I am sure, surely and slowly it will kill me off.

The Barrel Pack- on 3-13-04

1. Quiting Smoking-None Today
2. No more drugs
3. No more etoh
4. After 1 more year, kill GInger off
5. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise

Day one completed.

Saterday was quite the experience. I got up and was a tad bit hung over. I really thought i was going to toss my cookies, but to no luck. Chris called the night before and canceled going with me, so this homo was going to trek into the wilds of WI alone. Packed the car, grabed a billion cd's, and headed out.

GOt into Eau Claire without a problem. Had lunch at Country Kitchen, and had a wonderful waitress. Headed out from there, and found Wausau without a hitch. Finding the hotel, that was another story. I ended up getting massive lost and saw many historical points of interests that I am so glad I didn't miss!!!! After driving around aimlessly-I did find the hotel, and went to check in. At the check in, I ran into a guy with curlers in his hair. Turned out to be the reigning MIss Gay WI US OF A, and his friend Emur-Miss Contential + of WI. Had a small chat.

Got into the room, unloaded, showered, shaved, and started to apply the war paint. Granted, I knew NO ONE, and HAD NO IDEA what to expect out of this crusade, if anything. Got ready, and went down to Emurs room. She said that I basicaly had the crown, and the other "contestants" wern't that talented. Any which way, made it to the bar, unloaded, had a drink and ran into GIGI which turned out to be my only competition. She is a tall bitch even out of heals, and was very pretty. The big thing in WI is to use ones own hair along with hair peices. That was her thing. The third contestant was so rotted that it isn't worth discussing.

When I was said and done, I ended up winning Interview and Talent (I did a "PRIDE" mix, of "PROUD" from QAF. What have you done today to make yourself proud? ).

What bothers me, is that there is strong support it was rigged in my favor. Miss gay WI, helped me with makeup, and stated she was "pulling" me to win, as she wants alot of out of state girls to run for Miss gay WI. I don't know, but at any rate... I'm excited that I won.

After loosing to Miss S.E. which I HAVE NO DOUBT was rigged, AGAIN, I needed something to boost my self esteem, and I feel that I am a strong contestant in the world of drag. That is important to me, that I am able to go out there, and hold my own.

Everyone was surprised that I came by myself, and didn't know anyone. Eh, nothing to sweat.

I am off to Miss gay WI in November.. and always keep you posted.

Well the week is almos over. 4 more shifts of work, and 9 days before I head out on yet another big adventure to Europe. What a hell week.

Monday: Got home from work, and the adrenaline was still pumping. The problem was, I had enough booze, but nothing to mix it with, and rum straight isn't the greatest. I was up till 10:00 a.m. and then crashed. when I woke up, I had a hard time falling back to sleep, and I really did't sleep again until Tuesday night. I putz around, worked on Rob's dress, cleaned, and just hung low..
Tuesday Morning I drove down to see John. We met in Prarie at Huckelberries. It was good to see him, and we mended our ways from our disagreement the previous Thrusday. I am really attracted to him, and enjoy him a great deal. He makes me feel normal... if you will... He really enjoyed the Cadilac brouchere I tracked down for him... if he only knew what else I had for him 8-). I managed to track down 2 rare books and will send them to him when I am away. Left Prarie in a snow storm, and got To UW-L for this suposedly drag meeting, that Rob said was going to take place, but it didn't, and that kind of pissed me off, in fact he wasn't even going to attend. Point blanke, it was a waist of my time, and I didn't appreciate it at all. They wanted me to show up on Wed for this video tape thing, and I told them, NO WAY in hell.... and it was a good decicsion. Once I got home, I crashed, and then woke up early WEd morning. My yoga class was a totaly joke. I couldn't focus to save my life, and that was problematic. I just couldn't focus. I was basically having the all american freak out.

Thrusday: Met with Dr. Martin. He said to keep on the Zoloft for another year and see him at that time. Great guy.

Tomarrow i perform at UW-L. And I am not ready. O well... cest la vie